Sweet and Sour at a Korean Dry Cleaner

So you know how some people are just total douches who should just go somewhere far away and live together, somewhere far away from the rest of us (assuming you don’t lump me into that category)? Well this guy, who just filed a $54 million dollar lawsuit against his dry cleaner, would rule the kingdom of douches:

“Mr. Pearson is alleging that the shop, Custom Dry Cleaners, returned the wrong pair of pants to him, and along the way broke promises made in signs saying ‘Same Day Service’ and ‘Satisfaction Guaranteed.’”

Right. I feel like this would be like suing your neighbor who has a “Beware of Dog” sign but whose dog hasn’t bitten anyone yet. Although at least in that case, they can sic the dog on him and be done with it.

Apparently he’s been having financial difficulties since his divorce (although I can’t fathom why a woman would want to leave such a charming fellow…), so this at least makes some sense. And by ” makes some sense,” I mean, “is still patently ridiculous, but in a less incomprehensible way.” Maybe he’s upset because his wife took him to the cleaners in the settlement process (thank you, I’ll be here all week)… Who knows. Although, in his defense, at least he’s not being selfish about it:

“Pearson said that he wants only $2 million in damages for himself — for his mental anguish and inconvenience — plus $500,000 in attorney’s fees for representing himself. Anything more that Bartnoff might award him would go into a fund ‘to educate people of their rights under the Consumer Protection Act,’ he said.”

I would bid on that contract. My plan would be something like this:
Have people promise not to be stupid/douchey. Have them sign a binding legal document to that effect. Pocket bulk of $51.5 million for self. Hire someone to punch Pearson in the face.

By far the worst part of this, btw, is the fact that this guy is AN ADMINISTRATIVE LAW JUDGE. Someone with such an obviously poor grip on reality should be barred from activities of that nature. How many people do you think he’s pissed off over the years by being blatantly unreasonable and wantonly moronic? 1000? 2000? More? Because there’s no way someone this stupid would have been able to hide his mental inadequacies for so long. Not possible. Stupid people can hide for a little while, but not their whole lives:

“‘Without regard to the law, as a human being, as a person, don’t you think it makes sense to interpret merchant signage in a reasonable way?’ Mr. Manning said.

Mr. Pearson, who is representing himself, eventually responded, ‘No.’”

Anyway, I really am pulling for the Chungs here.